It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
