i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize