College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize