we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
3pm strippers are depressing
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize