I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
