I want to stick my p in your. b.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Randomize