Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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