Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Randomize
