Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Randomize
