After last night, I could never be a politician.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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