last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Ladies don't puke and tell
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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