I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
