I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
