508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
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