he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
