I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Randomize
