You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
