Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Randomize
