if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize
