dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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