So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
