hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I faked an abortion last night.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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