lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
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