i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
