Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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