10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
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