i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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