I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
