He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
