considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
