I have demons in me.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Randomize
