So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
