I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
