i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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