I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize