you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
