once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
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