Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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