Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
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