did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
