there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
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