Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
