i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
