it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
