I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
