did you get engaged???
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
