I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Randomize
