i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
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