dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
