I looked at my own cervix.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
