You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
