i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
You left your underwear on the fireplace
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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