Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Randomize
