No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize