onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
