Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
