I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize