you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
