She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
