Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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