Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
