Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
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