I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I had to cum in my sink.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
