franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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